Another one bites the dust...........

Another one bites the dust……………….

No this is not about Todd and being the next victim to matrimony. Rather this is one song that plays over and over in my head whenever I think of my Dad. That and “Riders on the storm.” These are his go to songs. Every morning my Dad would take my brother Addison and I to the nanny and school respectively and we would listen to either of these 2 songs in the suburban. “Are you ready? HEY duh duh duh, Another one bites the dust!” It was slightly embarrassing but it was the one time of day that my Dad was always fun. We also would either play “Knock Knock” jokes or the never funny “Why don’t ducks fly upside down?” I seriously think that was told every morning between 1987 and 1992 between Myra St and San Pablo Elementary! Oh and we will never forget always trying to find the runner lady with the thong and long braid!

So why the back story? Well I’m now 28 years old(thank you January 23rd for sneaking up so quickly) and I have always been a Daddy’s girl. So much so that we are cut from the same mold and for the better part of my teens and early 20’s this was a difficult relationship. He’s a confident, independent, intelligent man who at the very least is perceived as stoic. Worked his whole life for his family, 13 days on 1 off at Southern Bell/Bell South/ATT, for as long as I can remember so we could have better than he ever did.

Weekend before last at the Bridal Extravaganza ( awesome if you are 21 to 25, me ehh) as we were sitting and discussing the rows of vendors, cakes, men dressed in jail outfits(ball and chain reference here) 18 year olds modeling wedding dresses(designed for 18 year olds) he very nonchalantly slid into conversation that he had just visited a bridal boutique, The Black Tie. Me “Were you fixing their phones? Dad “No.” Me “Well what were you doing in there?” Dad “Looking at brides dresses. They had to help me out I about had a heart attack, I was a blubbering idiot.” SHOCK!!!!!!!!

I have been surprised by my father only a few times in my life. First when he cried at his 50th Birthday party. Second he sent me a card one year “just because” which I cherish. Lastly the Christmas snow globe which I keep on my desk to this day. It was one of the only gifts he has given all on his own. But this bridal shop thing was surprising. My Dad, the one who still buys my Christmas Tree and lugs it in the house and fixes things when I need it(even if it means driving all the way to St Augustine after a 12 hour work day.), who I never thought would let another man into my life, went and looked at dresses. This is it, this is a sign that he’s all in. Todd he loves you, he will probably never tell you, or if he does it will be as he stands next to you out of the side of his mouth. But he loves you, and I’m thankful and happy for that!

Dad, I don’t think I’ve said it out loud in years, I Love You.

Wedding update:
This is not easy. As my dear friend Ashley says, “this is a job.” And as my other dear friend Ashley filled in Todd “meet in the middle when it comes to getting things done.”
Meeting with a venue this week but 99% sure. Ceremony spot has changed about 3 times. Want to know why? Check out the St Augustine Record today January 26th cover story about the vendors!

Press the Flesh

Press the Flesh

To the credit of my personal social analyst, Fred Schmidt, I dedicate this title. He is a constant reminder of the world as a whole of truths and consistently challenging your opinions on religion, love, children, sex, and of course politics. I cannot remember a single day this past year that Fred and I were in the same place and I did not learn something new, about either the world or myself. Our first meeting was at the Gate River Run in Jacksonville and he posed the following, “What is the first major world event you remember?” My answer, “I was sleeping at my cousin's house in Middleburg and my aunt woke us to watch the fall of the Wall. She said this is important and you need to remember it.” This is the kind of person Fred is. While controversial at times, he brings out the intelligence in all of us.

Yesterday while at Starbucks Fred says to Todd “you really have the ability to press the flesh.” Now those who know Freddie also know his flair for semantics to entice controversy and the ability to take a wholesome conversation to a relatively sexually fired up place. So I immediately question this “press the flesh.” Quite simply and to my surprise harmless, this idiom from the 1920s simply refers to the act of shaking hands in politics. I found this to be an interesting time for his choice of words because if there is one thing that has been a source of anxiety with the wedding, it’s the phrase that keeps popping up “the politics of the guest list.”

2 things that I want to be very clear on whilst I enter this topic. First is I am who I am because of my network support group that consists of family, friends, teachers, runners, fundraisers, lovers, and heck even passersby. I attribute my success, my happiness, and the foundation of who I am to all of you collectively and I love you for this. Second contrary to popular belief, I don’t not have a little leprechaun with a pot of gold under my staircase, or a genie in a bottle to grant me unlimited wealth, or a winning Powerball ticket (I'm actually holding out for this one).

As if Bridal magazines, advertisements and as I'm sure I will find out today, EXTRAVAGANZAS (WGV Ultimate Bridal Show, sounds like a WWE event) don’t create enough anxiety about the timing and the flowers and weather, and expectations not to mention budget, you have a select microcosm that is your circle of friends and without fail will subject you to the ultimately uncomfortable (and mostly inappropriately timed) question of “When’s the wedding?” Once a bride to be, it feels like a loaded question, "Are they assuming they are invited?" It's truly a phenomenon. What's more absurd is the feelings that are seemingly hurt when I have not even set a date yet and that same person, in the same breath will say, “Remember it's your wedding.” I haven’t experienced the full brunt of this but I can say with many friends recently married, this is ridiculous! Some of my best friends have been wed and I was not there, nor invited. And we are still friends, in some cases with a stronger bond than before. A wedding for me (and from talking to most brides) is a personal and private affair. Whether 50 or 500 guests, someone won't be invited, why must they take it so personal?

With that, I'm done talking about it. By no way is my guest list directly reflective of my whole life, rather it is a snapshot to capture the moment when we say “I do” and pour sand into a candle holder, or light 2 votives, or stomp on plates or whatever we decide to do. Please know the best is yet to come, anniversaries, babies, milestones, and the worst, people moving away, job loss, deaths. Intimacy is crucial and will be reflected in our small ceremony and reception. It is not that we don’t cherish every relationship we have, but rather that we want to afford our family this brief moment in our lives before moving on to the rest of living. With all respect in the world, if you aren’t invited it is not personal nor a slight on anyone individually.

As in the words of Jimmy Kirkham, "One Love"
Not to be outdone by Fred Schmidt “Good Luck Todd/Heather” post #14522

Wedding Plan Decisions:
Location The Tasting Room St Augustine
Date November 21st 2010
100%

How I "text" your mother

Sorry for the cheesy play on a really bad sitcom. If you like it, please don't take this personally, but I think it's fitting.

Todd and his family are probably the most fantastic people when it comes to recognition. Not the type where they pass out a metal or bake you a cake (although Judy does provide cookies and brownies regularly that are delicious.) They do things such as hand written thank yous for dinner or "letting them stay with us" and phone calls to see how you are doing after a big triumph at work. Truly old fashion, genuine, personal and consistent whether a huge feat or smallest hurdle. This has rubbed off on my soon to be husband but in a completely different, and reflective of the times format, that of SMS!

3 things have spurred my fascination with this. The first, Todd called my mom the eve of our engagement to check up on her and asked "Susan did you ever think you would find out your daughter is engaged via text message?" Short story so you all don't think I didn't call my own mother first! After Todd proposed, I snapped a photo of the ring and MMS it to my mom. There are a few reasons for this but the main is shock value! Imagine, lunch with your daughter stuffing yourself with the most delicious BBQ chicken pizza, and then 20 minutes later bam, LIFE CHANGER! What's great is when I called to ask if she had opened the text "of some guy on US1 doing something crazy" she couldn't figure out how to operate the phone and began chatting about the football game and how amazing the wood delivery was!!! LOL!!! Then of course the freak out because my dad nor Todd had let her in on this.

Second is Judy, my future mother-in-law sent me a text on Sunday that inquired as to my first full day of being engaged! How thoughtful!!

Lastly, as I look at my cell phone bill and number of text messages I see a theme! Between the hours of 7am and 4pm Todd and I speak less than an average of 5 minutes a day. I feel like we communicate better than many couples, but only talk 25 minutes a week! How is it possible that the person I feel closest to, that I know more than anyone in the world, that I'm marrying for goodness sake I only talk to for 25 minutes!! And if you were to ask my manager, he would tell you that Todd began our relationship with texts, mostly about the Cutters, way to a girl's heart I tell ya.

But here's the deal. I think we utilize the texting revolution in an old fashion way. All in all there are about 25 texts on average a day, about 5 words and usually "How is the day going?" with responses like "Great" or "Crushing it" or "I love you" followed by song lyrics(for fun)! Just out of reach enough to miss, but close enough to keep us coordinated. Sounds old fashioned if you ask me. Do you remember before there were cell phones and email? Men and women went to work and didn't talk until they came home. My parents have been married 35 years and still stick to this.

I know that the immediate satisfaction of gen x and y come up frequently. In fact I think this breaks up some couples. Too much texting, too much facebook, phone calls, twitters and tweets, where you went to the bathroom, the color of your bra, what is on your mind?(FB), what are you doing right now(myspace)? But the fact is technology, the Internet and the likes have presented its own set of challenges and made life wonderful as well. I think as long as we keep the human element and our wits about us, all it can do is enhance the organic experience.

With that, I will leave this post with the advice of a stranger.

As Todd and I celebrated the start of our lives together that night at Casa Monica, the couple adjacent to us left with this advice as they finished celebrating their 29Th Anniversary:
She leaned in and without a moment of hesitation or thought and said here is what makes it last

First it's YOUR wedding~ Second say Please and Thank you~ Third Lots of Kisses

Simple, I love it

Wedding Plan Update:
Decision 1- Ceremony Under the Pavillion on the Green right in downtown!

This Changes Everything

My future father-in-law Tim,today suggested to me that I write a diary to remember the happiest times in my life. His specific words were “you can fill a room with happiness my friend” and you should write it down to share with everyone because its a special ability. This is in reference to my Griswald Family style of celebration; over the top, all inclusive, and if nothing else simply fun. Today was most important to set this off, so here we go!

As Todd and I were riding back to my new home in St Augustine Florida we began having a very important discussion that all couples should be able to have, one where you are completely exposed and vulnerable. So after a great lunch with my mom and dad at Mellow Mushroom and trip to Home Depot, after which my father actually chased down a man selling firewood(because he needed a truck load!) our discussion was prompted after hearing the Dido song “Thank you”. More specifically the line, “for giving me the best day of my life.” Todd turned to me and said “What is the best of yours?” Me”The best ever.” LONG PAUSE 2 came to mine, the first was my graduation from college and the second was a selling day in Asheville NC where we hit on all cylinders, it was cold, crisp that early morning with wild turkeys about and the sale that I created went off without a hitch! So of course I posed it right back and he came up with 4. When Justin Taylor ran and won the tri-fecta, Little 5 win Number 10, The day he hit the Chicago Marathon at 2:30(I was there for that one) and the day he learned he had passed his CPA. This transitioned into the always funny topic of our wedding. So as I made a quick joke about planning our “family reunion” as to not set off anyone in town that I was really planning our wedding(small town, very small) our song came over the radio “Use Somebody” Kings of Leon. He sang the first line, and then said “I think you should start planning our wedding on Monday.” I laughed and agreed and he said no really, I paused and began to become overly hot and bothered, was this it? Am I getting proposed to? Is this like the time in the airplane coming home from our New York/North Haven trip that he showed me a ring on the I-phone?
Now keep in mind its January 9th, 2010, the coldest and longest recorded days in a row of hard freeze temperatures in north Florida, and im getting HOT! I cry, laugh uncontrollably thinking he is putting me on and he asks me to reach under the seat. It was hilarious: me “under the seat?” Todd: yes. Me: “What seat? My seat? Theres no under the seat its electric stuff” Todd: “ NO theres a plastic thing, open it up” Me: fidgeting like a nutball finally opens it up and a little black box slides around. I pick it up and start to cry/laugh. Had someone driving in the next lane looked over, they would have thought both my parents, brother and everyone I know died at once! I opened it, looked at him, then down! IT WAS THE RING!!! The ring we happened to go look at while shopping for Christmas presents 3 weeks earlier! It is beautiful, eclectic, old fashion and perfect! Im so happy. I look at him, “are you asking me? Is this really it?” Todd: Yes.
So its officially official! IM engaged to be married! Alert the press, let the bells ring, this is it! Sometime this year(December most likely) I will be Heather Lane Neville! Wow, that’s so crazy the first time you don’t write your own name.
By far Todd I want to Thank you, for the best days of my life! I love you.
So with that here begins my diary. January 9th 2010 the day of my engagement. This is going to be a happy year. The year I Heather Lane Sutherland, gets married.